Pros Of Sharing Sexual Fantasies With Your Partner
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It’s perfectly normal and healthy for individuals and couples to have sexual fantasies. A rich erotic imagination goes hand in hand with a fulfilling sexual connection. I encourage the couples that I am seeing for sex therapy to share their psychological turn-ons with each other as a communication exercise. However, some people are not comfortable with sharing their sexual fantasies or feel uneasy with the idea of discovering what their partner fantasizes about during sex or masturbation.
Sharing your sexual fantasies with your partner has its pros and cons.
It can bring you both closer and spice up your sex life. On the other hand, depending on the nature of the fantasy that is shared and how it is interpreted, it can lead to feelings of uncertainty about the relationship and cause your partner to become uptight or uncomfortable during sex.
Here are some benefits of sharing your sexual fantasies with your partner:
1. Higher level of intimacy
Sharing your sexual fantasies can be a highly intimate experience because there is a certain level of vulnerability that goes along with opening up about your private sexual desires and dreams. By letting your partner in and disclosing those private sexual fantasies, your relationship can feel more intimate and you both might experience a higher level of commitment towards each other. This is more likely to be the case if your sexual fantasies only involve your current partner.
2. Builds trust
Opening up to your partner about your sexual fantasies and inviting them to do the same could strengthen the trust in the relationship. In a way, you are putting yourself out there and taking an emotional risk by sharing your private sexual thoughts and desires. When your partner responds in a welcoming and supportive way and expresses an eagerness to help you materialize your fantasies, it solidifies the trust you have in your partner.
Also, if your fantasy involves giving up control and fully trusting your partner which is the case in fantasies involving bondage etc., acting out the fantasy could be an incredible exercise in strengthening the mutual trust between you and your partner.
3. Open communication
Couples who don’t communicate about sex are often secretly dissatisfied with their sex life and continue to suffer in silence. One way of really opening up the channels of communication about sex is by sharing your sexual fantasies. If you have a positive experience after sharing intimate details about what you wish or desire to try sexually, you might feel more comfortable giving each other feedback in the form of what feels good and what doesn’t in the moment and afterward.
4. Fun and playful
Sharing sexual fantasies with each other and coming up with creative ways of incorporating the fantasies into your sexual experiences could be a very fun and playful experience. You and your partner can collaborate to design how the fantasy could be materialized into reality and try out the different variations.
At times, merely talking about how to act out the fantasy can actually get you both turned on in the moment or turn up the anticipatory excitement about the next opportunity to actually act it out. For example, if your fantasy is about having sex in an unusual place such as the rooftop or in the backseat of a car, coming up with a plan to make that a reality could be a very fun and playful experience in itself.
Sharing sexual fantasies with your partner can be a rewarding experience or it could backfire completely. I will discuss the cons of sharing your sexual fantasies with your partner in the next post.
However, if you are interested in sharing your sexual fantasies with your partner but don’t know how to go about it, here are some helpful tips:
1. Test the waters
Don’t blindside your partner by announcing your sexual fantasy out of left field. First test the waters by starting a conversation about what does your partner think about your sex life. If they show an interest in discussing how to spice up your connection, then ask if sharing sexual fantasies could be something they would like to try. If so, let them go first.
2. Start slow
Don’t unload the entire the fantasy all at once. Instead, start with small increments. For example, instead of asking your partner to tie you to the bed and use a wooden paddle to spank you, start by asking to be tied and blindfolded during sex.
3. Build on the known/familiar
Instead of asking your partner to suddenly step outside of their comfort zone in order to fulfill your fantasy, start by building or elaborating on something that you both do already. For example, if your fantasy involves being watched by others while having sex, ask your partner if you could keep the lights on while having sex in front of a mirror instead of asking to have sex with the blinds open and lights on!
About the author: Nagma V. Clark, Ph.D., L.P.C.C., C.S.T. is an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist and PACT Level II Certified Couples Therapist. She specializes in working with couples & individuals struggling with low or mismatched libido, weak or absent orgasms, performance anxiety, erectile dysfunction, sexual pain, sexuality & aging, general sexual dissatisfaction etc. She also works with people interested in exploring sexual orientation, gender identity, kink, BDSM & polyamory.